Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.-Lao Tzu
Another breakdown/meltdown today. I know I've talked about how alone I feel in this whole process and how my brother and sister in law are no where to be found despite the fact that they are only 30 minutes away. Now, this meltdown was for several reasons. My job is wearing me out I'm technically working 12 days in a row in a very stressful environment. I'm tired of only getting to see my boyfriend one or two days a week. Lastly, my mom has become sicker. She's now weighing less than she's ever weighed before. It's a struggle to try to get her to eat despite the fact that she is starving. All of this has lead to a horrible migraine that I haven't been able to shake. I am so thankful for my amazing boyfriend whose simple question of "what's wrong?" lead to me just breaking down and instead of telling me to get over it he just pulled me in closer, listened, and calmed me down. It's hard feeling helpless. It's hard seeing my mom so upset and I know she's tired of being sick. She put up an older picture of herself from before the accident and the SMAS started and to see how different she looks is unbelievable. I know she's sick of being sick, but I don't know how to help. I don't know how to make her better. You'd think having a nurse in the family would be a little more helpful, but is so distant. How can you be part of someone's family and so uncaring?
I am so glad I have my boyfriend and close friends around. They are the ones that continue to give me the strength to keep going, to keep looking for answers, to continue being there for my mom. I continue to hope that answers will be found, that my mom will defeat this, and that I will have my healthy mom back again.
