As I Sit Here Waiting

Please bear with me as I am typing this on my phone. Today brings back so many memories of December and all the wonderful people I met that day my mom had surgery. Everyone was worried, but we found comfort in one another. We first explained why our loved one was there and conversations eventually turned into funny. stories and memories. Each time one of us got good news we celebrated and unfortunately not everyone received good news. But once again, those of us in he waiting room were there to support the other. I still wonder how everyone ended up and still hope that their recoveries have gone well. It's nice knowing that people, even strangers, are there to comfort you in a time of need. Thankfully, today, I have my dad here. I know he's just as worried, but at least I have family here. Sitting here watching my mom in pain is so difficult. I want to take the pain away, I want her to feel better, and hopefully one of these days that will happen.

Without Your Friends You Are Nothing

"My friends and family are my support system. They tell me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear and they are there for me in the good and bad times. Without them I have no idea where I would be and I know that their love for me is what's keeping my head above the water."
Kelly Clarkson

 I try not to keep most of my fears and concerns to myself, but there are some days when I need the support of my friends and boyfriend. I don't like to bother everyone because I know everyone is going through one thing or another. Thankfully today my coworker covered my butt so I could rush home to my mom. There are good days and bad days. Unfortunately the bad days seem to be worse and the past few days have been rough. Yesterday was Mother's Day and I wanted to take my mom out to dinner after attending an afternoon wedding. Mom became sick even before we left the house and as the event progressed she felt even worse. Then this morning I woke up and my mom had a migraine which overwhelmed her. Things got to the point where I was debating taking her to the ER. She was unable to drive herself to the doctor for a back appointment, but I was able to take her. I liked the doctor and for once someone seemed to really listen to her and the pain she is having. Because taking medicine orally can be a problem due to SMAS he prescribed a topical cream and she'll be going to therapy. Hopefully this will help with her pain. 

It's still a hard thing to handle because I can't make my mom better. The only thing I can do is just be there for her, support her, and help out in any way I can. I try to concentrate on one thing at a time and I think my mom is trying to do the same. It's almost like we have a checklist and once one thing is sort of under control we can move onto the next. Why is Mom sick? SMAS, next. Why does she still not feel well? Crohn's. Okay, lets run more tests. Oh look, we found osteoporosis. Check! So why does her back hurt so bad? Disk slightly forward and some degeneration. How is this fixed? Therapy? Okay! Pelvic pain? Surgery in a week and a half. Meanwhile, running through my head, the question "what's next?" arises.  The fear is still there that I'm losing my mom and I know I shouldn't feel that way. I'm worried about the upcoming surgery even though it's routine. I haven't even mentioned it to my best friend yet. Without my friends and boyfriend I would've already had a meltdown and they are keeping me somewhat grounded. My boyfriend distracts me, tells me jokes, etc. My friends tell me about their day and their problems. All of those things help me to forget, for a few minutes, about all of this. I know it could always be worse and I do see signs of improvement. My mom has managed to put some weight back on and doesn't look as scary thin and at times she really can eat and keep food down though the pain is still there. But again, thanks to my friends and amazing boyfriend for helping me keep my head above the water.