DO YOU MISS YOUR NORMAL LIFE?

I have so much chaos in my life, it's become normal. You become used to it. You have to just relax, calm down, take a deep breath and try to see how you can make things work rather than complain about how they're wrong.

Tom Welling

“Normal is an ideal. But it’s not reality. Reality is brutal, it’s beautiful, it’s every shade between black and white, and it’s magical. Yes, magical. Because every now and then, it turns nothing into something.”
― Tara Kelly, Harmonic Feedback  

 

 I was asked yesterday "do you miss your normal life?" As soon as I read the question tears started flowing. Even at this moment tears are rolling down my face. What is normal? What was normal? Normal has not been in my vocabulary since January 1, 2011. On January 2, 2011 my family was in a car accident that would forever change our lives. My mom unfortunately suffers the most, which I have discussed in the past, but today I want to focus on me. 

 

What was normal? Normal to me and my family was being able to go out and have dinner without servers giving my mom looks when she ordered a small meal. Normal was going to a theme park with my mom and her keeping up with my every step. (I can be a fast walker) Normal was never having thoughts about my mom not being there on my wedding day due to being in the hospital or fears that she may never meet my future children. Normal was being able to go out with friends without worrying about taking my mom to the grocery store. Normal was playing around at Walmart or Target without being on a time restraint. Normal was not having to worry about any "what ifs."

 

What is normal now? My normal now is constantly checking up on my mom. Normal now is giving up weekends with my husband to ensure my mom is taken care of when she is in town. (Plus I miss seeing her) Normal now is squeezing in time for the few friends I have left, but those that stuck around are true friends. I am lucky that they are so loving and understanding. Normal now is looking over my shoulder when out with my mom to make sure she isnt doubled over or clinging to the shopping cart. Normal now is spending 10 minutes in a store rushing around to get what she needs before she becomes too sick. Normal now is spending every spare moment researching Superior Mesenteric Artery Syndrome and figuring out what else we can try to help her get better. New normal is knowing that there is a chance my mom could die from this syndrome, but I will do everything I can to avoid that outcome. New normal is now an appreciation for life, for the love of my mom, gratitude for my husband, his family, and my friends for always being there for me. 

 

My life in some ways would be better if the car accident had never happened, but it also wouldn't have brought me closer to my mom, pushed fake friends away, introduced me to some amazing Warriors and family members of those Warriors. I wish I could take their pain away, my mom's pain away, but this is the hand we have been dealt and I have learned to accept my new normal.