I Got This

Be calm and strong and patient. Meet failure and disappointment with courage. Rise superior to the trials of life, and never give in to hopelessness or despair. In danger, in adversity, cling to your principles and ideals. Aequanimitas!-Sir William Osler

 

So why do I begin each little blog with a quote? For me it's like a reminder, a message, or something to lift my spirits and usually ties into what I'm about to write. One year we have been waiting. One very long, stressful year. What have we been waiting for? A judgment...some high and mighty person to make a judgment on if my mom is sick enough to receive disability. So here it is! The big day! We get to face the judge and finally hear what she has to say!  

 

WRONG!

 

After so much waiting, stress and anticipation we learn that some doctor is now unable to make the hearing. :( Who knows when we will finally appear before the judge. Last time it was delayed two weeks. I know some people think, well you've waited this long what's another few weeks? Why is it that an obese person, with no other problems, can get disability, but someone with a rare syndrome it is so much harder? Even if my mom gained 10-15 pounds that doesn't mean her problems will magically disappear. The one thing that will make things better is no longer having that compression on her intestines.

 

Be calm. Be strong. Be patient. Seems like those are 3 of my worst attributes. Calmness is kind of a thing of the past for me. How can I be calm when doctors and people say "oh you're looking good"? Patient is non-existent. I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of seeing my mom suffer. Strong? Ha! Some days I just want to stay in bed all day and cry. I cry because I know the end result we could face. I cry for those that have lost this fight. I have to be strong though. I have to be the one to try and hold it together for me, my mom, and my little sister.

 

Rise up against the trials of life. So much easier said than done. Do you remember the old cartoons where the character is climbing a ladder and the ladder keeps moving down, but the character stays in the same spot? That's how I feel. No matter what progress I feel like we are making we are still in the same rut. I know I'm not the only one. I know that thousands of people go through similar things every day. When I think about that it does help me get through the day. Knowing I'm not alone in this fight and others can empathize helps me push through things. Life can always be worse and I've said that over and over again in these posts.

 

Cling to my principles and ideals. Knowing I will one day have this non-profit set up makes me happy. Being able to help others when no one could really help us is my goal. Giving up is not an option and never will be an option for me. Like I sometimes tell others even when I'm scared, unsure, and upset...I GOT THIS! :)