The Day We've Been Waiting For

“We dream to give ourselves hope. To stop dreaming - well, that’s like saying you can never change your fate.” ― Amy Tan, The Hundred Secret Senses

I waited to post until today because this has been the day so many of us have waited for, the day my mom sees a doctor that has diagnosed and successfully treated a patient with SMA. It seems like all of our hope and answers were relying on this doctor and his diagnosis. Unfortunately I was not able to be with my mom for this appointment and at this second I am still a little in the dark and do not have all of the answers. I may never have the whole story of what happened in that office. My friends knew how stressed I've been all day and that I've been anxiously awaiting news. I had such high hopes...at this moment it feels like we will never have any answers. The doctor in Tampa stated he did not believe my mom had SMA Syndrome. I guess there wasn't enough evidence to support our previous diagnosis. What I want to know is why her SMA is at a 10 degree angle, shouldn't that be causing some of her pain, that supports the SMA Syndrome diagnosis, but because some symptoms were not present he has decided to rule it out. He wants to run more tests on her, but those wont be done until Nov 5 which means more time waiting, more time stressing, more weight that will be lost, more depression, and maybe even the desire to give up. This doctor thinks it might have something to do with the pancreas, but didn't explain further what the problem might be or why it is causing all this pain. 

I feel hopeless and upset that there is nothing I can do to help out my mom. At this point part of me wants to stop dreaming. My family is having such a hard time and this is just another blow to us after news of my mom's cousin. My mom is sick and no one can figure out what is wrong while my Aunt was given only a 15% chance of beating her cancers. How can you find hope when doctors are not providing answers or solutions?